Once upon a time there was me........

There r very few times in life …….when u r quite…..alone with your own soul……..and then u realize that ur soul is no more with u……..or the soul is actually someone else……..not u. have u ever smiled a whole day long for actually no reason……..and yet u have felt like u want to cry your heart out…..and finish it once and for all. Have u felt as if…….its just the moment u r living and rest is unknown and uncertain………yet u r so sure about the moment that u want to spend ur whole life in that single moment. Have u ever felt that the person u r looking at is the most ordinary person u r looking at……..but u r so sure the person is the most unique and special in the whole world. Have u ever thought how does it feels like to have someone all to urself and yet u feel as if he is somewhere far far away from u. have u ever felt as if the time has got transformed in to a jet plane…….and yet felt like the time stands still when u look at someone. Have talked ur heart out to someone and yet felt as if some where some things are left unsaid. Have u ever tasted a sweet as bitter as reality yet u have loved the sweet becoz reality is all that u need right now??? Have u ever told someone about ur dark secrets yet talked abt them so casually as if just another talk. Have you ever felt at ease with someone with whom u can talk abt nothing under the sun……but yet felt as if the sun is so small to cover all topics.
Have you ever tried not to fall in love……….. yet yearned for some1 who wud make u fall in luv. And have u ever tried to hold a hand just for the sake of holding hand and yet u know its not holding……its linking a soul to urs.
All this and a thousand other questions haunt u everyday……then u feel as if the day is shorter than usual…….u need an extra 24 hour to take out time for yourself and ur happiness. But the world doesn’t allows u the liberty or the chance to fly in the sky with some feelings that u don’t understand and never want to understand…..but never want them to end and just go on and on and on……

Braking The Monotony

Life tries its best to trap us in cycle; you wake up in morning, read newspaper, go to office, check mails, get a cup of coffee and the work starts. Its a blessing if you have work which is interesting(challenging, as many people say; but I believe that more than work people you work with are challenging), the day ends, you go home, you get 2-3 hours of life and its 01.00 O'clock in midnight, you sleep as have to get up early in the morning, its a cycle a vicious cycle.

We all live a very usual life, a very similar life. I talk to people and I ask " whats up?" they reply "nothing", none of us have a story to tell. We don't have time for things we like to do or pretend liking to do. We plan too much and implement less; very often I get this feeling there is so much generality in my life that may be some time back some where in this world somebody might have lived a life which is same as mine or might be living a similar life; I might be just repeating what he did or somebody is doing or somebody will.

How do I break this monotony? How to get out of this cycle?

I will like to live a life which changes daily, I don't want to recognize the person I was yesterday.

I am asking too much and I am using too much 'I's which I really hate. Thinking this thing since a long time, it was decided that something will be done pretty soon which is going to change my life completely.

I want to live a new life... everyday. I want to tell a new story everyday!

chewing gum OR lollipop

long time huh.....
it is just another blog entry that's being written after a lot of soul searching and reflection of about 1 months of living in oblivion.
So my question is....what would you rather choose -
"A Love Marriage" or "An Arrange Marriage"
I know i would get a number of really varied answers to that. But i have a rather hilarious but meaningful metaphor for these two institutions or rather i would say school of thoughts.

"Lollipop"
A love marriage is like a lollipop where we can keep enjoying the juicy taste slowly. Cherish the way it melts on your tongue. You can celebrate each day with a new lot of "having fun". Its when your love lasts, grows and expands over the time. and the lollipop tastes so damn good until the end....the end of life. You have the assurance that it would always taste the same no matter what...whether you eat it or throw it. i know some lollipops...i mean love marriages end up badly or never last, but thats just because we loose interest in the flavor after some time...or may be we choose the wrong one and realize later.

"Chewing Gum"
An Arrange Marriage is like a chewing gum where after sometime, after some chewing, you loose the juice, the tenderness and the fresh flavor.It just becomes a plane rubber to keep chewing on till you need to....or else if you are over with it, you cant wait to get it out of your mouth.No matter how carefully you choose the flavor, its always, ultimately the rubber that stretches till the end.

I am not categorizing anything, i have seen amazing exceptions on both the sides right in my own family.and so i would also point out that....there is always a very probable possibility that your lollipop might have a chewing gum at the core.
And you know you can have a lot of fun with chewing gum too, i prefer blowing a lots of noisy bubbles out of chewing gums. and though some chewing gums might loose the juice but the tenderness is there....the freshness is there.
i don't intend to give any good/bad label to both the thoughts....but i guess the metaphors are quite close to what i think about them....neither am i in opposition of chewing gums or in favor of lollipops...
i just want you (the one who is reading this) to choose your flavor...your type (chewy or lolli)and your life thoughtfully.

P.S. - just another amusingly boring reflection of my stupid brain....enjoy if you can....i don't promise any regularity here....again it has take n a lot of effort to get this out on paper....so i just avoid it nowadays....please don't get mad at me...just read and forget it ;) by the way living in oblivion is my ground state now....[;)]

seeya later alligator :)

Sweet little "nothings"

Sweet little "nothings"

there are moments in our lives....
when we cherish being in the blanket on a winter afternoon.....reading a book
when we just look at an old note and just smile
when we meet an old friend online
when we see our first crush after 10 years
when just a slightest hug can melt us into a puddle
when we try to read those scribbled rags in the boring lecture
when we try to find these moments just for nothing
just for the sake of doing nothing
these moments are the most precious ones.....i had a great session of sweet little nothings....i was doing everything.....talking, teasing, laughing, but all this while what i enjoyed the most was doing "nothing", the person responsible for this nothingness is the one who has come to haunt me all my life, may be a ghost may be a buddy may be a soul mate...
there are times when all i can do is just sit and smile....show my vampire teeth to everyone around....when i write this..i sit in my class, its raining outside, the grass is lush green with glistening dew on the tips, half my face has a glow from the open window on my right and....
there comes the ghost, dripping wet, splashed mud on his clothes depicts that he has been doing his favorite job...i don't know what to say...so i pretend as if m engrossed...ooh god must be knowing this...i know its nothing big....no big deal just everyday small talk....but then out of all the things in the world i choose to write about this person today....may be the person would never even know i wrote about...a memorable minute...in the whole day.

P.S. - one of the most amateur dairy entries from my school days...i found it in my box today :) this "nothing" person must have known this a long time ago....lets see if she ever reads this...listening to my favorite song right now...all i can do is try to hold on to that nothingness i experienced today....i miss doing "nothing" again....look at the pun....i do nothing when m the busiest and when my brain carries all the worries and tensions from around the globe. but i still love that "nothing"...i dont know what m trying to say...still like i said...i m saying all about "nothing"

Kaanch Ki Baarish

Aisa keh sakte he ki jaise woh barish thi....aur ye sheesha.

Kaise jab barish hoti he to sab kuch bhigo deti he...
Usi tarah sheesha bhi bhig jaata tha....aisa nazar aata mano sheesha baarish me pighal raha ho...
bhige sheeshe ko dekh baarish intezaar karti ki ab pighle...tab pighle..lekin koi farak nahi padta tha.
har baar garaj baras kar chali jaati lekin sheesha nahi pighalta.
Baarish bhi koshish karna nahi chodti...kabhi halki halki bunde hoti, kabhi hansi thitholi to kabhi musladhaar. Par sheesha wahin ka wahin. Aakhir thak haar kar baarish chali jaati. Bas sheesha khada rehta.
Baarish apni koshisho ko nakam maan kar niraash ho jaati.
Lekin ek baat woh kabhi nahi jaan paati....
Sheeshe k uss taraf jahan woh nahi pahunch paati thi...uske jaane ke baad sirf ek hi cheez reh jaati thi...Bhaap
jo boond boond se pure sheesha ghir jata...to us par ungliyon se sirf ek hi naam likha hota tha...
Baarish to chali jaati lekin Sheesha joojhta rehta....bhaap se.